***********************************************************

As Bill Sees It

TIME VERSUS MONEY, p. 290

Our attitude toward the giving of time when compared with our
attitude toward giving money presents an interesting contrast. We
give a lot of our time to A.A. activities for our own protection and
growth, but also for the sake of our groups, our areas, A.A. as a
whole, and, above all, the newcomer. Translated into terms of money,
these collective sacrifices would add up to a huge sum.

But when it comes to the actual spending of cash, particularly for
A.A. service overhead, many of us are apt to turn a bit reluctant. We
think of the loss of all that earning power in our drinking years, of
those sums we might have laid by for emergencies or for education
of the kids.

In recent years, this attitude is everywhere on the decline; it
quickly disappears when the real need for a given A.A. service
becomes clear. Donors can seldom see what the exact result has
been. They well know, however, that countless thousands of other
alcoholics and their families are being helped.

TWELVE CONCEPTS, pp. 63-64

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Walk In Dry Places
 
The same situation... over and over
Growth in Maturity.
Our drinking experience should have taught us that we'll continue to repeat old destructive behaviors until we change our attitudes.
In sobriety, we can take this idea a step further and apply it to other areas.  If we have trouble with other people, for example, we should ask what we're doing to bring about unpleasant situations.
This is not to say that we're responsible for everything that goes wrong, but we are getting a message ourselves if we continuously meet the same problem in different forms. Some people, for example, repeatedly become involved in bad relationships or find themselves working for abusive bosses.
Just as a changed attitude helped us recover from our drinking problem, so can a new attitude keep us from repeating other destructive situations.
I'll be on the lookout today for any indications of a tendency to "attract" trouble. It's true that I can have bad luck, but I don't need to bring it on myself.

***********************************************************

Keep It Simple
 
A wise man changes his mind, a fool never will.---Seventeenth century proverb
We addicts used to be stubborn. Once we got an idea in our heads, we wouldn’t change it.
We didn’t listen to others ideas. We almost seemed to say, “Don’t tell me the facts. I’ve already made up my mind.”
But lately , some new ideas are making sense to us. We are starting to change our minds. Maybe we are good people, after all. Maybe we do deserve to be happy. Maybe other people can help us. Maybe our Higher Power does know best.
We’re not acting like fools any longer. We’re learning to change our old ideas.
Prayer for the Day:  Higher Power, when I hear a better idea, help me change my mind.
Action for the Day:  When I hear or read a new idea today, I’ll really think about it. If it fits, I’ll try it.

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Each Day a New Beginning

One of the conclusions I have come to in my old age is the importance of living in the ever-present now. In the past, too often I indulged in the belief that somehow or other tomorrow would be brighter or happier or richer.  --Ruth Casey
How easily our minds jump from the present to the foibles of the past or our fears about the future. How seldom are our minds on this moment, and only this moment.
Before we picked up this book, where were our thoughts? We need to practice, with diligence, returning our minds to whatever the experience at hand. A truly creative response to any situation can only be made when we are giving it our undivided attention. And each creative response initiates an even more exciting follow-up experience.
All we have of life, all that it can offer us is here, now. If we close our mind to the present, this present, we'll only continue to do so when the tomorrow we dream of now becomes the present. There are no tomorrows.
I will let go of the past and the future. My only reality is here, now. God's gifts are here, today, right now.

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Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition

WE AGNOSTICS

Instead of regarding ourselves as intelligent agents, spearheads of God’s ever advancing Creation, we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn’t it?
We, who have traveled this dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a logical idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might have observed that many spiritually- minded persons of all races, colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.

p. 49

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Alcoholics Anonymous - Fourth Edition Stories

Doctor Bob's Nightmare

A co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous.  The birth of our Society dates from his first day of permanent sobriety, June 10, 1935.
To 1950, the year of his death, he carried the A.A. message to more than 5,000 alcoholics men and women, and to all these he gave his medical services without thought of charge.
In this prodigy of service, he was well assisted by Sister Ignatia at St. Thomas Hospital in Akron, Ohio, one of the greatest friends our Fellowship will ever know.

During all this time we became more or less ostracized by our friends. We could not be invited out because I would surely get tight and my wife dared not invite people in for the same reason. My phobia for sleeplessness demanded that I get drunk every night, but in order to get more liquor for the next night, I had to stay sober during the day, at least up to four o' clock. This routine went on with few interruptions for seventeen years. It was really a horrible nightmare, this earning money, getting liquor, smuggling it home, getting drunk, morning jitters, taking large doses of sedatives to make it possible for me to earn more money, and so on ad nauseam. I used to promise my wife, my friends, and my children that I would drink no more-promises which seldom kept me sober even through the day, though I was very sincere when I made them.

p. 177

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Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions

Step Two - "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."

"This is only one man's opinion based on his own experience, of course. I must quickly assure you that A.A.'s tread innumerable paths in their quest for faith. If you don't care for the one I've suggested, you'll be sure to discover one that suits if only you look and listen. Many a man like you has begun to solve the problem by the method of substitution. You can, if you wish, make A.A., itself your `higher power.' Here's a very large group of people who have solved their alcohol problem. In this respect they are certainly a power greater than you, who have not even come close to a solution. Surely you can have faith in them. Even this minimum of faith will be enough. You will find many members who have crossed the threshold just this way. All of them will tell you that, once across, their faith broadened and deepened. Relieved of the alcohol obsession, their lives unaccountably transformed, they came to believe in a Higher Power, and most of them began to talk of God."

pp. 27-28

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I am never alone
never abandoned
never deserted
never judged
never chastised
and never without Gods aid.
--Shelley

"As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul longs for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God."

Those who are lifting the world upward and onward are those who encourage more than criticize.
--Elizabeth Harrison

Correction does much, but encouragement does more.
--Goethe

Words to live by are just words, unless you live by them. You have to walk the talk.
--Cited in BITS & PIECES

Handle them carefully, for words have more power than atom bombs.
--Cited in More of...The Best of BITS & PIECES

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to
leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
--unknown

We are never so lost that God can't find us.

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Father Leo's Daily Meditation

TACT

"Tact is the art of making a
point without making an
enemy."
-- Howard W. Newton

An aspect of my recovery is not hurting people's feelings unnecessarily. I am learning
how to say what I have to say without causing offense. Today I am learning to be tactful
and respectful.

As a drunk I would say the first thing that came into my head without any regard for
the feelings of others. I was often violent with words, sarcastic with comments and
cruel in dialogue. Tact was a sign of weakness; gentleness and sensitivity were
unmanly; my power was seen in forcing people to change their minds!

Today I do not wish to be like this. Today I desire to be tactful.

Lord, let me always express my opinion respectfully.

***********************************************************

For great is Your love higher than the heavens; Your faithfulness reaches to the skies.
Psalm 108:4

You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my only source of hope. Get out of my
life, you evil-minded people, for I intend to obey the commands of my God. LORD,
sustain me as you promised, that I may live! Do not let my hope be crushed. Sustain me,
and I will be saved; then I will meditate on your principles continually.
Psalm 119:114-117

Let not kindness and truth forsake thee: Bind them about thy neck; Write them upon the
tablet of thy heart.
Proverbs 3:3

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Daily Inspiration

Complaining reinforces your own unhappiness. Lord, when I speak, help to say things that are worth listening to and reinforce a joyful spirit.

Life is what our thinking makes it. Lord, help me visualize myself richly living each day, believing, achieving, and then succeeding.

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NA Just For Today

Standing For Something

"... we could feel time, touch reality, and recognize spiritual values long lost to many of us."

Basic Text, p.85

In our active addiction, we were prepared to compromise everything we believed in just to get our hands on more drugs. Whether we stole from our families and friends, sold ourselves, or lied to our employers, we were ignoring the values that mattered most to us. Each time we compromised another dearly held belief, another chunk of the mortar holding our characters together fell away. By the time many of us came to our first meeting, nothing was left but the ruin of our former selves.

We will locate our lost values as we carry out our first honest self-examination. But in order to rebuild our characters, we'll find it necessary to maintain those values, no matter how great the temptation to shove them aside. We will need to be honest, even when we think we could fool everyone by lying. If we ignore our values, we'll discover that the biggest fibs we've told have been the ones we've told ourselves.

We don't want to start the demolition of our spirits again after all the work we've put into their restoration. It's essential that we stand for something, or we risk falling for anything. Whatever we find important to us, we honor.

Just for today: I stand for something. My strength is the result of living my values.

pg. 305

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You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
All power is a trust. We are accountable for its exercise. From people and for people all power springs, and all must exist. --Benjamin Disraeli
The sun is power. It warms, it burns, it feeds the plants without which we could not live. Yet, for all its power, the sun cannot make so much as a rainbow by itself. For that, it needs the rain, at just the right time and angle.
No matter how strong we are--or smart or talented or attractive--we realize our full power only by filtering it through others. Our most meaningful achievements are born of combined efforts. Even when we do something that feels like ours alone--paint a painting, win an award, hit a home run--there is always a constellation of friends and family and teachers, even enemies, who've been a part of our success.
Like the rain's part in the rainbow, the contributions of others do not detract from our achievements, but enhance them and bring them to their fullest light.
How are others enhancing my growth today?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
If only I could throw away the urge to trace my patterns in your heart I could really see you. --David Brandon
Trying to control and change the people around us creates great problems in our relationships. When people we love are expressing themselves, we're thinking about what we wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a guarantee that we won't be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people we love. We know we have innocent motives. We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect ourselves or be helpful. But we hide from the effects our actions have on our relationships.
We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to. We can change ourselves by slowly releasing our security grip on others. We can focus more on understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they think and feel. Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.
I will release my grip on my loved ones and turn to my Higher Power for security and serenity.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
One of the conclusions I have come to in my old age is the importance of living in the ever-present now. In the past, too often I indulged in the belief that somehow or other tomorrow would be brighter or happier or richer. --Ruth Casey
How easily our minds jump from the present to the foibles of the past or our fears about the future. How seldom are our minds on this moment, and only this moment.
Before we picked up this book, where were our thoughts? We need to practice, with diligence, returning our minds to whatever the experience at hand. A truly creative response to any situation can only be made when we are giving it our undivided attention. And each creative response initiates an even more exciting follow-up experience.
All we have of life, all that it can offer us is here, now. If we close our mind to the present, this present, we'll only continue to do so when the tomorrow we dream of now becomes the present. There are no tomorrows.
I will let go of the past and the future. My only reality is here, now. God's gifts are here, today, right now.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Our Good Points
What's a codependent? The answer's easy. They're some of the most loving, caring people I know. --Beyond Codependency
We don't need to limit an inventory of ourselves to the negatives. Focusing only on what's wrong is a core issue in our codependency.
Honestly, fearlessly, ask: "What's right with me? What are my good points?"
"Am I a loving, caring, nurturing person?" We may have neglected to love ourselves in the process of caring for others, but nurturing is an asset.
"Is there something I do particularly well?" "Do I have a strong faith?" "Am I good at being there for others?" "Am I good as part of a team, or as a leader?" "Do I have a way with words or with emotions?"
"Do I have a sense of humor?" "Do I brighten people up?" "Am I good at comforting others?" "Do I have an ability to make something good out of barely nothing at all?" "Do I see the best in people?"
These are character assets. We may have gone to an extreme with these, but that's okay. We are now on our way to finding balance.
Recovery is not about eliminating our personality. Recovery aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.
Codependents are some of the most loving, caring people around. Now, we're learning to give some of that concern and nurturing to ourselves.
Today, I will focus on what's right about me. I will give myself some of the caring I've extended to the world.


I am so grateful I have a power greater than myself to turn to when I do not have the answers. I am so grateful for the program of recovery that has brought me joy and purpose and love. --Ruth Fishel

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Journey To The Heart
October 19
Honor This Time of Change

I left Point Reyes, a seashore town close to San Francisco, heading for Sequoia National Park. I wanted to cross the Golden Gate Bridge, but I wasn’t certain I could find it. City traffic was jarring after being in the woods, the mountains, and by the sea. Before long, however, I found myself at the foot of the Golden Gate. As I drove the span of the bridge, I felt the same electric charge surge through me as I had felt in Chimayo, in Ojo Caliente, and on the Flathead Reservation. It was the first time I realized that bridges are holy, sacred ground.

Times of change are holy. We may not know where we’re going. It may not feel like our feet are on solid ground. They aren’t. We’re crossing a bridge to another part of our lives.

Sometimes we may find ourselves at this bridge unwittingly, not certain how we got there, not certain we want to cross. Other times, we may have sought, prayed for, hoped for, longed for this time of change.

Drive across the bridge. You don’t have to understand it all right now. Information and understanding will come later. You’ll get to the other side. For now, trust and experience what you’re going through. Know that this time of change is sacred,too.

*****

more language of letting go
See for yourself

I have a friend who likes to hike and backpack. He always takes beautiful pictures of the places that he visits. After one trip he was telling me about a camp high in the California Sierras while showing me a photo of a stunning sunset. He told me about the night that he returned to camp after walking to the top of the mountain.

"When I got down, I found that everyone else had packed up and left camp. I was alone at twelve thousand feet. The silence was so thick I could almost touch it. You should have seen the sunset that night. It was even better than this picture."

"Why didn't you take a picture if the sunset was even more beautiful?" I asked.

"I figured that no one else cared to see the world from that viewpoint that night but me, so I just kept the sunset all to myself," he explained. "If you weren't there, you just missed out."

This summer I watched the sun set over a lake in a corner of New Mexico, then I spent the night under the stars in a sleeping bag. The stars were so clear, so close, so brilliant I felt like I could touch them. And no, I didn't take a picture. If you weren't there, you just missed out.

You can read a meditation book, make a list, and even talk to people who live their lives fully, but unless you make the trip yourself, you won't see all this life has to offer.

Is there a picture that you've been to busy to see lately? Break out of the ordinary. See something new or see the ordinary in a new way. Don't just glance. Really look. Then bring back the picture in your heart. Unless you're there, you're just missing out. Some things you just need to see for yourself.

God, help me live my life to the fullest. Help me see and treasure all the beauty in the world.

*****

Appreciating Suggestions
Other People's Agendas

As children, our parents had dreams for us. They wanted us to do well in school, and to do whatever was necessary to reach our highest potential. Later in life, friends may try to set us up with their idea of the perfect partner or the perfect job. Spouses may have agendas for us, too. People close to us may have ideas about how we should live our lives, ideas that usually come from love and the desire for us to be happy. Other times, they come from a place of need within them—whether it is the parent who wants us to live out his or her dreams or the friend or spouse who wants us to play an already-defined role. Whatever the case, we can appreciate and consider those people’s input, but ultimately we must follow our own inner guidance.

There may come a time when all the suggestions can become overbearing. We may feel that the people we love don’t approve of our judgment, which can hurt our feelings. It can interfere with the choices we make for our lives by making us doubt ourselves, or filling a void with their wishes before we’ve had a chance to decide what we want. It can affect us energetically as well. We may have to deal with feelings of resistance or the need to shut ourselves off from them. But we can take some time to rid ourselves of any unnecessary doubts and go within to become clear on what we desire for ourselves.

We can tell our loved ones how much we appreciate their thoughts and ideas, but that we need to live our own lives and make our own decisions. We can explain that they need to let us learn from our own experiences rather than rob us of wonderful life lessons and the opportunity to fine-tune our own judgment. When they see that we are happy with our lives and the path we are taking to reach our goals, they can rest assured that all we need them to do is to share in our joy. Published with permission from Daily OM

************************************

A Day At A Time

Reflection For The Day

There are countless ways by which my progress and growth in The Program can be measured. One of the most important is my awareness that I’m no longer compelled, almost obsessively, to go around judging everything and everybody. My only business today is to work on changing myself, rather than other people, places and things. In its own way, the obsession of being forever judgmental was as burdensome to me as the obsession of my addiction; I’m grateful that both weights have been lifted from my shoulders. When I become judgmental, will I remind myself that I’m trespassing on God’s territory?

Today I Pray

Forgive me my trespasses, when I have become the self-proclaimed judge-and-jury of my peers. By being judgmental, I have trespassed on the rights of others to judge themselves– and on the rights of God in the Highest Court of all. May I throw away all my judgmental tools — my own yardstick and measuring tapes, my own comparisons, my unreachable standards — and accept each person as an individual beyond compare.

Today I Will Remember

Throw away old tapes – especially measuring tapes.

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One More Day

There must be something strangely sacred in salt. It is in our tears and in the sea.
– Kahlil Gibran

Emotion plays around a person’s face, making it strained or relaxed. We say we can “read” someone else’s face. Few of us burst into spontaneous tears or laughter, but instead first show slight emotion on our faces or in the way we speak.

Laughter is instrumental to our well-being, but tears are also essential to our emotional survival. When we finally release the emotions we feel and the dams break loose, the tears are healing. They allow us to cleanse ourselves of pent-up angers, fears, and frustrations.

I know crying is a human characteristic. I will not be ashamed of my need to cry, for tears are part of my human experience.

************************************

Food For Thought

To Abstain Is to Live

If we do not abstain from compulsive overeating, we do not live - we merely survive. Without abstinence, joy and creativity fade and we are left with only the effort of getting from one day to the next. We remember the despair of living without the OA program, and we are grateful that we have been given a reprieve from our former misery.

Abstaining is what we do each day in order to live the life our Higher Power intends us to have. There are good days and bad days and mediocre days. As long as we abstain from compulsive overeating, we are able to accept our passing moods and the events of each day with inner serenity. We make progress in our activities and in our understanding. We are alive to the possibilities of each moment.

To abstain requires that we choose a long-term satisfaction rather than a short-lived indulgence. To abstain is to walk with our Higher Power in the way He shows us.

Thank You for the power to abstain.

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One Day At A Time

Live and Let Live
“If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.”
Henry David Thoreau

I have gleaned from the OA program that I can let others be themselves and make their own decisions unless an issue involves me as well. What a powerful concept. I have struggled long and hard with the issue of letting others live their lives as they choose without the benefit of my wise, profound advice. I really believed that I had all the answers and that by listening to me, one could get his or her life on the right track and be forever grateful to me for the magnanimous favor I had done them. I really believed this! I was also deeply frustrated when people did not immediately do whatever it was I had “advised” them to do. How could they be so dumb?

More importantly, how did I overlook the fact that my own life was heading downhill at a remarkable clip? Thanks to the OA program, I have slowly learned to keep my mouth shut. My motto for relationships is simple: sweep off my side of the street. It makes being me so much easier and it makes the lives of those around me a bit better too.

One day at a time...
Today I will accept and love those around me without acting on the urge to make their lives “better.” I will live and let live as I continue to realize the freedom the program offers me.
~ Pete

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AA 'Big Book' - Quote

This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn't so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. - Pg. 141 - To Employers

Hour To Hour - Book - Quote

Right now there probably isn't much time that goes by when you don't think about using. Although sometimes frightening, understand that slowly this will fade away. Only time will remove your constant thoughts of using or drinking, but it does pass.

Every time I think getting high would feel good, let me remember the pain in my gut and fear in my heart just not so long ago.

Responsibility

Today, I see that I can't release something just because someone tells me that it is the right or nice thing to do. Until I have moved through an internal process of identifying honestly what is going on with me, I can't really let it go. Honesty means that I am willing to be responsible. Whatever negative characteristics may have become a part of me from living with unhealed pain are, unfortunately, mine to deal with now. Projecting and blaming will not get me closer to getting rid of them. If I do not own my feelings, they will own me.

- Tian Dayton PhD

Pocket Sponsor - Book - Quote

In order to forgive, you have to have blamed.

I don't have to forgive people, places, and things, if I don't blame people, places, and things.

"Walk Softly and Carry a Big Book" - Book

The process is perfect; let it work.

Time for Joy - Book - Quote

I am so grateful I have a power greater than myself to turn to when I do not have the answers. I am so grateful for the program of recovery that has brought me joy and purpose and love.

Alkiespeak - Book - Quote

I play the ball from where it lies - not where I wish it was. - Arnold Palmer.

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AA Thought for the Day

October 19

A Prayer for All Seasons
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
- ©1950, The AA Grapevine, Inc.

Thought to Ponder . . .
Courage is faith that has said its prayers.

AA-related 'Alconym' . . .
K I S S = Keep It Serenely Simple.

~*~A.A. Thoughts For The Day~*~

Solution
"The tremendous fact for every one of us
is that we have discovered a common solution.
We have a way out on which we can absolutely agree,
and upon which we can join in brotherly
and harmonious action.
This is the great news this book carries
to those who suffer from alcoholism."
c.1976AAWS, Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 17

Thought to Consider . . .
The joy is in the journey, so enjoy the ride.

*~*~*AACRONYMS*~*~*
S T E P S = Solutions To Every Problem in Sobriety

*~*~*~*~*^Just For Today!^*~*~*~*~*

Healing
>From "A Lifetime Process":
"I have more problems than alcohol . . . alcohol is only a symptom of a more pervasive disease. When I stopped drinking I began a lifetime process of recovery from unruly emotions, painful relationships, and unmanageable situations. This process is too much for most of us without help from a Higher Power and our friends in the Fellowship. . . . One day at a time, almost imperceptibly, I healed."
1990 AAWS, Inc.; Daily Reflections, pg. 105

*~*~*~*~*^ Grapevine Quote ^*~*~*~*~*

"My greatest challenges are before me. But my experience with the Third Step, even in the smallest matters, gives me the courage to meet whatever lies ahead, twenty-four hours at a time."
Manhattan, N.Y., March 2001
"Wait for the Pitch,"
Emotional Sobriety

*~*~*~*~*^ Big Book & Twelve N' Twelve Quotes of the Day ^*~*~*~*~*

"Much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration,
and direction from Him who has all knowledge and power. If we have
carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of
His Spirit into us. To some extent we have become God-conscious. We
have begun to develop this vital sixth sense. But we must go further
and that means more action."
~Alcoholics Anonymous, 4th Edition, Into Action, pg. 85~

“If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway. With this attitude you cannot fail. the consciousness of your belief is sure to come to you.” ~Alcoholics Anonymous page 55

We commenced to make many fast friends and a fellowship has grown up among us of which it is a wonderful thing to feel a part.
-Alcoholics Anonymous p.15

I explained what a wonderful Fellowship we had, how well we understood each other.
-Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions p.152

Misc. AA Literature - Quote

When the distortion of family life through alcohol has been great, a long period of patient striving may be necessary. After the husband joins A.A., the wife may become discontented, even highly resentful that A.A. has done the very thing that all her years of devotion had failed to do. Her husband may become so wrapped up in A.A. and his new friends that he is inconsiderately away from home more than when he drank. Each then blames the other.
But eventually the alcoholic, now fully understanding how much he did to hurt his wife and children, nearly always takes up his marriage responsibilities with a willingness to repair what he can and accept what he can't. He persistently tries all of A.A.'s Twelve Steps in his home, often with fine results. He firmly but lovingly commences to behave like a partner instead of like a bad boy.

Prayer for the Day: Open Mind - Higher Power, may I understand: To be alert to my own needs, not to the faults of others; To remain teachable; To listen; To keep an open mind; and To learn not who's right but what's right.